It takes a lot of will power and determination and reminders to be a good girl. Listening to my parents takes an ounce of everything because sometimes they are just so stubborn and repetitive that you just can't make yourself to listen calmly to them. Learning to tolerate the non-sense from my sis that I would never have done in the past gets too much on my nerves, so I guess I still need a lot of practice to really obey to their every wish and not complain about anything. And most importantly I must remain cheerful, talk to everyone, and being a caring person in the family. I guess it can't be done if I'm always feeling irritable and annoyed by my sis actions and insistence, so I shall remind myself loads not to lose my temper. And remind myself that they're actually very nice people and usually tolerable. Oh sorry, I'm just talking to myself so you can ignore whatever is above.
I think I am a very inconsistent person and most of the time don't do what I say, or don't mean what I do. And I'm liking the feeling of not needing to speak up, and enjoy the feeling of ignoring people during lunch. Since I can't make it go my way, then I guess I'm just coping well by not acknowledging the presence most of the time. LOL I am weird. I liking the feeling of being an hermit crab. I supposed I'm born cancer for a reason, huh?
School holiday is ending soon, and somehow I keep on thinking that it's the same for mine holiday too. I guess this break is too long for my liking. Kept on having this illusion that it's already July, and that school is starting soon. I guess I'd feel weird when it is actually the time to go to school... Been thinking funny it is how my orientation camp falls after the medical checkup in school, but I guess it's still not too late since it's before school orientation right? Anyway medical checkup is for the whole day so maybe no one meet anyone else and we still need to camp..well why am I thinking of all this? I'm supposed to be liking my isolation...
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I think my brain is rotting inside my head for all I care.
Lyrics for the background song - Approval (Forgive me) from Tae Wang Sa Shin Gi OST아무 말도 못 해도 아무렇지 않아요 그댈 볼 수만 있다면It doesn’t matter if I can’t say anything, as long as I can see you如果我甚麼話都不能說 也沒關係 只要我能看見你……
가질 수가 없어도 만질 수가 없어도Even if I cannot have or touch you即使不能擁有或碰觸你
시린 가슴 한번 쓸어내리고 참아내죠Truthfully, I should sweep away my heart once and withstand it就算（悲傷）席捲冰冷的心……我也能忍受
어디에 있는지 잘 있는지 그대 하루가 걱정이죠I worry about your days, where you are … if you are well我總在担心着你… 你在哪里? 你過得好嗎?
달빛 머금은 애 타는 밤에는 그 생각에 잠 못 들죠On the suffering night swallowing the moonlight, thoughts of you keep me from sleep在洒滿月光的 焦慮的夜晚 對你的思念 令我無法入眠
또 다시 태어나는 그 날엔 하늘이 허락하길 바래요I want the heavens to give approval the day I am born again,在我重生之日, 我要上天 賜給我許諾
우리의 이뤄질 수 없었던 사랑을our unrealizable love.我們無法實現的愛情그대 곁에 없어도 그대 뒤에 있어요 외로운 그림자 되어Even if I cannot be next to you, I will become a lonely shadow behind you.即使不能在你身旁, 我也會是你身後孤獨的影子
돌아보고 싶어도 돌아봐선 안돼요You shouldn’t look back even if you want to即使你想…也不能回頭한 뼘 행복마저 줄 수 없는 날 피하세요You must avoid me who could not give you happiness even for a little while.你必須避開 即便是短暫的幸福 都無法給予你 的我
한 걸음 두 걸음 나보다 더 조금 서둘러 걸어가요One step, two steps, walk a bit more hurriedly than me.一步 兩步 你要比我……走得快一點
나의 두 손이 또 나의 두 발이 그대 길을 막지 않게So my two hands and also my two feet will not block your way.這樣 我的雙手 和我的雙腿 才不會擋住你向前的路
또 다시 태어나는 그 날엔 하늘이 허락하길 바래요I wish for the heavens to give approval on the day I am born again,在我重生之日, 我願上天 賜給我許諾
우리의 이뤄질 수 없었던 사랑을Our unrealizable love 我們曾經無法實現的愛情하늘아 내 사랑을 가려줘 바람아 내 아픔을 날려줘Oh heaven, conceal my love, oh wind, give flight to my pain上天啊 請掩飾我的愛 風啊 請帶走我的傷痛
그대가 내 눈물을 모르게 부탁해I beg of you to not let my dear know my tears請求你 千萬 不要讓我的愛 看到我内心的淚水(A lot of people say this is a very suitable song for Kiha and Damdeok aka Kaijin and Hwanwoong because her love and their love did not have a happy ending, but I rather it be for Sujini and Damdeok aka Saeoh and Hwanwoong because their love did not have a happy ending for both times due to a certain someone. Hrm yep I'm super against the idea of the first pair as you can see. I mean, she is so evil for the past and the present but there are still so many people who pity her. For anyone's sake she brought everything upon herself and she should not be pitied because not only she did not obtain her "rightful" happiness she blocked everyone's road to their own happiness. Like that for Ho Gae, that for Sujini, that even for Jumuchi. Gosh okay I'm very subjective. Anyway I think the best suited for the song is still for Sujini and Cheoro aka Saeoh and Cheongryong because Cheoro is so sad for both the past and the present. LOL okay I'm nuts I think. Still can't get over the fact that Hwanwoong shot down Saeoh but Damdeok did not and instead sacrificed the four guardians' lives just to save Kiha's..Argh! *fuming*)
[Hyeonmoo (Black Turtle), Joojak (Red Phoenix), Baekho (White Tiger), and Cheongryong (Blue Dragon) just for my reference]