sucide had never been a word in my dictionary..and it had never pop out when i feel sad..maybe it's jux tt i'm not sad till the extent where i can throw everything away..i cant..no matter how i hate wat i am..how i behave..how i was treated..or how i treat myself..i couldn't jux give up lyk tt..there's a long long road in front of me and i'm not going to skip any pain tt i'm gonna suffer and skip to the ending pt..maybe i'm a person hu lyk to self-torture..?
i'm not sad..ppl cry i cound no feel a sense of sympathy..maybe i'll feel sad with them at times..but at others i rather laugh in their faces..let them see mi as feelingless..maybe i am..but i dun lyk crying..and dislike ppl displaying their fear by crying..it might be tt i dun lyk their fear..wateva u say i'm not going to fight back..cuz i feel tt i'm behaving the way i wan..u care..?i dun..i sincerely couldn't feel towards ppl hu cry..dunno leh tink in my mind i haf this concept tt ppl hu cry's jux trying to get sympathy..cuz when u're realli sad u wun feel anything..and to sum extreme u would jux want to laugh everything out..even if there's bitterness in it..those things tt u can cry about are not things tt matters most..so hu cares about these kind of sorrow tt is not deep enuf to let mi be sympathise with..?
i'm feelingless..
sadness is jux a feeling tt eats up our heart and leave us with nth but emptiness..and hollow that can never be filled again