hrm. I don't think I'm supposed to talk about patients in my ward, nor any information related to their disease process and stuff. But since nothing of that sort is what I am going to talk about, I supposed I can just vent my feelings here..
I know I've been trying to avoid writing negative things here to keep it lively, but I think if I don't write down my thoughts here I'll really cry tomorrow during attachment (like what my friend did today). It's not about the patients, more like what I cannot do to and with the patients.
It's actually a very simple case of self-worthlessness I'm feeling that makes me powerless in everything I do, from communicating with the patients (because they don't really understand mandarin and english and canto is NOT an option) to practising the skills required of us (because of the very unwelcoming staff there). I should not generalise and say that ALL the staff are not nice, but I am not sure who is anymore. Like I have opportunities to do certain stuff, then the same nurse that allowed me to do the stuff actually is badmouthing us at the same time. So is she being nice or nasty?
And I know I should not feel angry at my friends because they have more things to do with more connections with the staff, but that I am feeling angry at myself for being not able to connect with the staff to get more opportunities to perform the skills. Can you imagine while my friends are already advancing to initiate IV therapy and doing nebuliser, I'm almost overjoyed when I am asked to do ECG.
Actually, I think I should be glad that I'm talking more from the start than how I had been for the past attachments, or else, I would be just rotting and wasting time away this time. which brings me to think that luckily I'm not bonded to TTS. Then again, let's hope for the best the next time I have attachment, which is most probably at SGH.