It's the season/ day of reminiscence, nostalgia and what-ifs again. Which happens EVERY TIME after a concert. Going back to attend the concert makes me want to restart learning dizi, and getting in touch with the Chinese Music and the past. And of course, the making up of my mind to practice every weekend, and the promise to myself not to lose touch with my past again. Always wondered if my skills were any better, would they be consistently contacting me to perform with them, and if anything would be much different. And I'd think and feel that I have not live up to the hope of Zheng Lao Shi and Ding Lao Shi, and that I had let them down despite the fact that they had coached me for the past years. And how whatever Ding Lao Shi taught me will be lost with time.
Apparently talked a lot of rubbish with Carmen today/tonight ahhahaha. It's something that I can't do freely anymore because I am not sure if the new course mates can take my lame-ness, or would shun me further. LoL so apparently I enjoyed myself hahahah :D I am so glad that so long after we have graduated (erm, 4 years already? time flies...) I still can bug someone who is willing to go back with me :D I mean, if there is really No one who is willing to go to the concert with me, I guess I won't go even if I long to go. Hrm, apparently my brain is not working anymore so my sentences and words are not coherent anymore...Anyway the concert is really not bad (trying not to criticize because I have not touched my dizi for decades...) tried to convince carmen and myself that we did not have a ensemble piece during our time was because we did not have enough people, which I really hope is the case, and not because they did not have enough confidence in our skills :X
the BIG dream of proving them wrong and that I have more than sufficient skills to do a solo or what's not shall persist, and may there really be a day that I can succeed :D hoping they would call me back and let me be part of CCO...hahahahahaha I wanna feel the music~
okay shall rest my brain now...and i shall set practising dizi once per week as part of my new year resolution list lala!
Sayonara さよなら!
* gosh the "o" in my Mac is out AGAIN!! paid $20 for nothing!! rah!