suddenly..i dunno wat to believe in ,who to believe in..i dunno wat is right, or wat is wrong..it might be, as carmen say, there's no white nor black but only grey..life is hard enough and i shall complicate it with all those judgement and thinking. after all..i dunno wat to trust in anymore.
had tot as always tt i'm sharp at judging a person's character..and had not realli be seriously wrong in my judgement. but now..i dunno. i seriously dun know.we just graduated from co and everything changed. everyone changed. even ppl who swore that she will never change, changed. they became someone that i thought i noe, but now noe not. i became so detached from it all. tot that i will never be drifted apart from them even tho i graduate, and then realise, i'm not so sure anymore. the ppl changed and i dunno who is real and who is fake..i don't know a lot of things now. then again, why do i have to judge ppl..?everyone's unique in their own way, and it's not realli up to an individual like me to judge the behaviour and decide whether it is acceptable. cuz who noes..i might be the one they disagree with behind my back tho praised me in my face. i shall remain at the grey part of life. like ms yee say, an ostrisized individual might not be the one who's in the wrong. he/she might even be the right one who is disagreed with by the wrong one. i dare not to judge someone. i have no eyes for it. things will change whether we like it or not, and in wat way it change, no one can control or know.
i dunno..tink i'm so fake..the previous entries all talk bad about carmen..and now she seem like the part of my life that make me me. in times when i feel uneasy with my negative feelings with zy, she was there. when i feel sad with xiuyi, she's there too. and yet, i accused her so many time before that she tried to stole xiuyi from me. wat's this now..? may be xiuyi just drift from both of us.. and left us wondering if the other party had stole her away. wat for? i ask. not now, in this period of time, when we both suffered the same. if i realli had to say who tried to stole xiuyi from who, i'd now say it's me. i'm the one who stole her from carmen. not the other way round as i perceived. but xiuyi's not an item, she's not up to us to decide who to "befriend", and for her part, she had curretly choosen none. i had always tot myself as the victim of every incident, but i might all along be the culprit that made everyone suffered. i dun wan to judge anymore.
i am the only black one in this world. and this world shall be white. i'm the odd-one-out..and do i suffer? no. i feel uniquely me. i belong to the other side. had always been.
that is where i belong. always.
i'm a winner at the other side.