i dunno..tink i'm having so many posts up here nowadays..when all the posts here are not supposed to be sth to be happy about..wat can i say..haix tink realli had been troubled lately..if there's only one prob i wan to clear today, i wan to clear my confidence problem..
had been doing bad for studies still i tink..like no way of improving it..no one is helping anyway..so i have to struggle on my own..and tt's no gd..41 more days to prelims and i'm still slacking..wat have i been doing?
ydae went to shopping..and my sis were talking about my grandpa all of a sudden..my eldest sis was the last one to see him as she said..and i was reminded how i ended my trip from hk when i was 11 yrs old..i rmbed rushing to the bus and leaving him behind..i rmb the rush of panicky when i turned on the bus and saw him outside..i rmb the pang of sudden terror tt wat if i'm not to see him ever again and to say bye..i rmb how i wanted to rush down the bus to say bye to him proper but din..i rmb..and yet..as my sis say..all is gone with the wind..i never did say a bye to him..and never will have the chance to..how much i regret not rushing down tt day..how i wish tt i could say a bye to him..a proper one..cuz i was thinking tt time to say a goodbye to him the next time i go to hk..but i never had the chance to..and never will.....never..
today's another day where there are co without me..i dunno..tink it doesn't matter if i'm there anot..since the world will still spin..and maybe even faster without me to weigh it down..? since jingmei already took my job over and be the dizizz..since i have no rite tto say anything..might as well dun say..but i feel sad..sadness seeps in me..was listening to suonas during lit exam..and too immerse in it tt i lost track of time..and i blame it for being too out of tune..when i knew by now i miss the music too much..walked pass the classroom where they have fenzu today..and realise tt there are no room for me..ever again..
we said tt we'll come back even when we've graduated..but now..it jux seem impossible..for wat?come back for wat? when u have no business and no post? ruth said tt her batch and justine's batch and yelin's batch went out and celebrated..and ok i'm not supposed to hear anything from it anyway but it jux..made me realised tt if u have no business to attend to when u go back..there's no pt of going back..so i realli dunno..supposed..i wun go back even when i graduated le..no pt of my existence rite..
non-existence..