this blog had been stagnant. not that anyone reads it. not even myself. it's just a lifeless blog without any updates, any entries, anything at all. just like me. it may look nice. but you can't get anything from it. just like me. this is a blog that i supposed to write down my sorrow, one which i can really confide in, cause i can't find the person who can understand me anywhere now. or is it just that i had hid myself up so well that no one bothers, or able to find me back. but somehow i managed through the months, and had not been writing here. yes, frankly, those "sorrow" i managed to put up was just squeezed out. literally. but now that i am here again. let me tell you. i'm not sad. u believe? i'm sad, u believe?
ok actually i'm writing now because i read ruth's blog just now. maybe she had seen a lot more things than me, maybe it's just that it feel beta to have someone who feel the same way over everything. that i feel sad and hollow inside everytime after reading her blog. what can i say? problems are a part of our life, and we can throw all of them away, or just avoid them at all cost. it'll just be postponed, and postponed again, and one fine day when you're off guard they will come back to haunt you. so what for escaping from them? when you know that you have no chance against them. but i did fight, and fighting still, as how many of us are fighting every second. all i did when i lost was to shed a few tears and well, the day will be over. there seems no point in remembering all those memory that saddens you, but we always seem to chose those to remember. what for?
ok i'm not being smart or anything, so i'll start writing whatever i want to write here, a lot of times i did wanted to write here, but it seemed that i always forget them before i could get them down. is it a good thing i know not, but i think most probably i'll laugh the things i wrote here off a few years from now. and these struggles i have now would seem pointless, and childish.
i had encountered a lot of problems this year. but i guess more than half of it is caused by my imagination, hallucination, something that will never happen but it just keep me insecure. and retreated. and fight back like a beaten beast. let me be improper, ok?