my 2mths turned 3 mths deployment to nuclear med ended yesterday! regardless of how i'm still wondering why the management chose me out of everyone else, i'm very glad i took the opportunity presented and went out of my comfort zone and into an unfamiliar ground. i wouldn't say i made much friends in the dept because actual fact is that i've only became closer to a few within the last few weeks, and even though i think i underperformed during the first month, the whole experience has been very valuable to personal growth i guess:) somehow the place and the people grew on me so much that the bonding which would have taken months to achieve, was achieved within these 3 mths. maybe it is just emotions speaking now and i won't feel this sad anymore in a couple of days, i have to admit that leaving the dept makes me sadder than i thought i would. i mean, knowing how slow it takes for me to warm up to strangers normally, it is even harder for me to make friends in a totally new environment with things to learn and such. but as i was giving out the chocolate bars and the other staff came thanking me for the chocolate i bought for them, i was suddenly feeling sad and the realisation that i'd probably never step foot into the dept again sank in. and when the radiographer came telling me that he bought a cake for me (which i'm still not sure is it a singular or collective effort lol) i fully understand that the people here appreciated my presence no matter i feel that i performed up to standard or not. even though i still find it slightly difficult to decide what topic to talk with the colleagues, i realise they've already taken me in as one of them. it is quite a change from my mentality at the beginning, when i look forward to going back to ED every once per week because that is where i am familiar with, to now that i'm not looking forward to going back on wednesday already. comparing to the ED now, nuclear med seem like such a familiar place with familiar faces and working tasks and patients. this is like a honeymoon relaxation period for me and i mostly feel happy going for work, despite the blunders made and i'm still learning things everyday. even though i think i complaint to my friends before that the nursing community here is too small that any gossips will circulate very fast and if one goes against u the rest will follow, it is also because of this smallness that makes us closer than what we would have been. but it was until these few days then i realise, no matter what mistakes u've committed, as long as u're willing to learn, the colleagues will always welcome u with open arms, and try to help u solve any problems u may face. understand the contrast here and in ED now? if i had committed mistakes in ED, normal colleagues will just see me sink. oh well shall not talk bad abt the place that i need to return to.
ohh and i posted on facebook about leaving nuclear med and feeling sadder than i thought and think that i'll miss the place more than i'd imagine and that i'm feeling slightly reluctant to go back to ED, and it was misunderstood. it is funny how once a person started to misunderstand something, everyone else will follow suit. it is either my english is so bad that it causes the misunderstanding, or they didn't realise the use of future tense, meaning i'll miss NM, not that i realise i missed ED. but i guess if i correct the crowd there it'll seem like a cold blanket so...u'll understand if u understand right?:)
so! now that i'm returning to where i thought i once belonged, i need to prepare myself for unfamiliar colleagues and difficult patients and disappointments at work...hope the positivity instilled in me during these 3 mths stays, and that i'm able to keep my smile and stay afloat despite the challenges..and find the spot that i belong to once again. cheerios!:)
work for a cause, not for applause.
live life to express, not to impress.
don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.