since when i'm so lost for words..? as if nth can describe how i feel..as if only i know how i feel..
since when i closed my heart's door..? had tot i trust everyone and tt's an undeniable fact..and now..i doubt it with my heart..
since when i opened up my heart..? it's like..feeling so lost tt i cannot contain myself..
since when i'm so contradicting..? apparently my 1st statement and the previous one dun match..so which one is the real me..?
since when i'm being so ap..? it now feel as if since i wun hold my friendships for long, i might as well not have them at all..
since when i feel so vulnerable..?
since when my thoughts are engulfed by darkness..?
since when i lost myself in my self reflections..?
since when i am allowed to have mood swing..?
since when i was not a happy person..?
since when i had been treating my friends badly..?
since when i stirred up trouble and result in this unsolvable problem..?
since when i try to be a goody two shoes and lost it all..?
since when i go all the way for sth..and in the end i got nth back..?
since when am i so self centered that i can see no one but myself..?
since when i feel good hurting everyone around me..?
since when i make everyone suffer out of my enjoyment..?
since when i am the worst choice for a friend..?
since when i realise the wall i built up to protect the real me from coming out is falling..crumbling..?
since when i hurt others to gain what i want to have..?
since when i became the most despicable person i've ever seen..?
since when i became the person i hate most and keep on finding excuses for my behaviours..?
since..
since..
since..
since i changed..
but tt was since when..?
i lost count of my mutation..and i only noe tt it's hard for me to go back cuz i'm tired of keeping my friends at bay..maybe my life will be better if the ynoe the real me..
see i'm making excuses for myself again.