came back from the syf presentation concert..conclusions of the day: watever that don't belong to u..neva will.
my mind went wild again. thot of all the things on earth that maybe if i din think of i'll be happier. i rmb tt i failed my promise to myself of not trusting anyone wholeheartedly. i rmb i had always been a lousy person, a disgusting senior, a moronic creature, so today wasn't realli sth that i shld be sad about..cuz i shld noe tt i dun deserve those things that i'm having now..that an ugly hearted demon, creature shld and will never get hold of true happiness.
isn't this SO right!:)
i don't know..it had always been there..jux tt everytime i try to ignore and tell myself tt it never existed..tt i shld hold on to my claimed happiness..but now..everything came crashing down..and the simple truth tt i chose to ignore sink in. in the end, i'm a nobody to anybody. xiuyi say i'm being of help when she's down by being jux there..ISN'T THIS TRUE today? i stayed and they go..u ignored me. i went down with u, u smile at all the other ppl but treat me as non-existence. i tot, ok, i'll be of help by being jux there, and i struggled to keep up. somehow i realise tt my effort will be in vain, and went away. u came and joined us, and everything were ok. again. but we were not talking. why shld we anyway rite, since i'm the one u're angry at. but jux meer 5 mins with carmen, and u're ok. i'm of use huh? RIGHT.
i noe wat u're doing. u're trying to push zy from me to u. i noe it quzhao. and u've succeeded cuz i'm weaker. fine.
never mind anything again.